Ol’ McDonald

Some people say men come from apes. Scientifically, we don’t. Even chronologically.

Hence the importance of education.

Let’s admit it. Everyone always goes through school. From prep to college universities, it will always be about the rewards you get along the way. Its like those certificates and awards are tokens that you’ve been through hell and you’re ready to face deeper levels of shit in the real world. Those tokens will get you somewhere – a job or another one of those prestigious academic institutions.

It’s not bad to be educated. If you look up the synonyms in the dictionary it ranges from the simple term “bookish” to the more philosophical side of “enlightened.” It just means you were well trained. And that’s where the conflict lies.

Lately I’ve been skimming blogs about unemployment and undergrads and successful 20-something-year-old people. I skipped reading the blog but what I did was to read the comments. THE COMMENTS ARE AS GOOD OR EVEN BETTER AS THE BLOG. (Is it because I believe there’s truth to be found, everywhere?)

A lot of these comments discuss on the system of education. That even the cost of education to get you through middle school today is the cost of college 50 years ago. Now I don’t want to complain about the cost. Man made it difficult to get through this world because of imagined needs. What I want to discuss though is the necessity of education.

Have you even thought why schools were setup? Right now I want you to think of why schools were put up. I ask that you think about it, and not look up on the Internet about the history of the first schools. Trust me. This will help you get to what I’m trying to say.

(Insert long pause here for you to think)

Originally, schools were not institutions. They were more like a group of scholars, “thinkers” for that matter,  that convened to discuss more of what can be done about the loopholes they found in the society they lived in. It’s main aim was to further tradition and society. Now I don’t know who put up a system where kids go to school to memorize stuff and get exams to see how much they remember. Call me old fashioned and traditional but learning used to be satisfying the innate curiosity we all have within us. Now its just getting the basic stuff in your head even if it means forcing it inside. That’s how I look at the current system now.

Taking the concept of “academic institutions” to good use. Did you ever think that somehow the earliest forms of “corporations” are responsible for creating schools? Or is it a concept that man made that made these corporations? Or is it an uncontrolled curiosity to know more?

What I’m trying to say is that someone from a corporation might have made up a good reason to “commercialize” schools so that it will produce persons to cater to more corporations which will make more money. And that person from that corporation is only characterized by one word: greed.

If you think about it, and other things connected to the previous paragraph, we can say that we can look at the world like a big farm. The farmer needs more money hence he puts up barns to cultivate chicken and other farm animals to function as producers of products (or services) so that he can sell it and have money. Worst part is that sometimes the consumers of these products eventually succumb to all sorts of mishaps and they will inadvertently pay for fees to fix themselves, and that these services are available in the barn. IF that confused you let me give you a different example (although this might be a religious one, but for demonstration purposes only.)

Remember the story about the Garden in the book of Genesis?

Here’s my take: The tree in the garden is the natural order, the fruits are the resources, the snake, well you already know who he is and Adam and Eve as components of the human mind or as a whole. Now, the innate curiosity we have is represented by Eve, and she plucked the fruit of knowledge. Adam being a constant of change, ate of it. Eve was convinced because both she found a similarity to the snake – which personifies a warped curiosity and all things excessive. Now Adam and Eve possess awareness of what can happen, they are banished from the garden.

The snake lives on to taunt men, and since they possess knowledge, the snake reasons out excessively to them to further their inborn curiosity. This becomes science. Now I’m not saying that science is inherently evil, but it came out because of excess.

Is the quote “necessity is the mother of invention” familiar to you? You can include that to the web of concepts being discussed right now. Skip the inventions, skip the technological advances. You can always go back to the snake. Of having excess. An excess of money. Corporations? Are you getting to where I’m at?

We cannot deny that the tree also has parts that you really can’t stop from dying. That’s the natural order. Cancer is not even a disease. It’s already there. It’s in us. It’s a gene that’s just waiting to be activated.  Yet we try to live a life, reason out that there’s more we need to do. We want to do. We were “banished” for a reason. To learn the lesson of curiosity.

….

Off-topic topic here: Remember the farm earlier? Let’s apply cancer. Since it’s a disease we need to cure it. To get better so we can get back to work. To work for money. So we could buy stuff. And our money goes to corporations and companies that make these “needs.”

Cancer is like the end of the road if not cured. And admit it, the cancer will not go away. It’s a gene.

Why do religions always have stories about the end of the world. The natural order?

…

Alright, I’ve written too much. But if you would think more (Oh how I love thinking, I get depressed because of it), won’t you think that its ironic for undergrads to see that the system is flawed for education? Like come on. That’s excessive reasoning to not finish something. I mean we’re already in this phase of the world, let’s just go with it and see where it takes us.

My brain cells are dying.

Good night people!

http://julian-faylona.deviantart.com/art/The-God-Machine-556542492

(I hope you get the message of the picture)

Everyday Philosophy

Aristotle’s Claim: Man is a political animal vs. Hobbe’s Claim: The state of nature is a state of war

First of all I just wanted to put my analytic and “philosophical thinking” skills (if I have any, for that matter) to the test by doing an essay on the subject mentioned.

Firstly, it is easy to compare the words these two men used, after all, being “thinkers” ourselves we should start at the basic, the bottom of everything. If you take “political animal” and put it beside “state of nature is a state of war”, then you can deduce that this concerns basically the very nature of being human, which is an animal, and its natural habitat is that of nature.

To my dear readers I apologize if this is how I analyze things but I really have no background in basic or advanced philosophy. I am just spewing thoughts out of my mind from what I have previously read and use knowledge I possess without having the proper educational background for this subject matter.

In my opinion, politics is a field or a body of knowledge that was created when man started thinking so I think Hobbe’s claim is more agreeable. As to how that happened, let’s look at the definition of politics. Activities which are connected to the governance of a country and the struggle for power is the core of the word “politics”. Now if we take into consideration the similarity found between the two claims, we can find that it is the “animal-nature” concept.

A struggle for power , if we think  about it, is primal. We don’t need to complicate things by thinking too much about the mechanisms of the human mind. If you think that I base things too much on the natural order, well that’s fine. That’s one philosophy I admit I find fascinating and inexplicably natural. (I think this deserves a laugh but anyway…)

So to further Hobbe’s claim, I’ll stress on the concept of being “animal” in “nature”.  If you watch a lot of nature channels, the shows always depict animals trying to survive in their habitat. Aggression is a key for survival, since it involves physiological processes and is closely tied with instinct. That’s why the word “needs” is related to “instinct.” Animals hunt for food and display aggressive behavior in doing so, and as thinkers we should be able to label the behavior as a form of power. It’s no different in politics. The need to have an organized country and an organized governance is instinct – it just follows that man still follows the natural order, it’s just that the order has been applied to higher and more complex aspects of being thinkers.

I cannot dwell much on politics because it is not my forte but that doesn’t mean this essay is biased towards Aristotle’s claim. This is merely an exercise for me, a quick run for my mind.

What do you think of how I think?

Comments appreciated.

PS I saw the topic somewhere on a freelance website. Honestly I think that they’re using freelancers to write for their grades or worse, to finish their degrees (be it college or as basic as junior high). Well this is truth to a certain degree, and I am entitled to say truth, even if it sounds like bullshit. I apologize in advance.

(The picture is not mine. No copyright infringement intended. Source: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/50/e2/c9/50e2c93328fe8b5aa4918cb383c008ee.jpg)

Escape Artist

Do depressed people sleep too much because they’re depressed? Or sleeping too much cause them to get depressed?

I once read that the former has been studied a lot, and that having more than four hours (or additional) beyond the usual 8-hour sleep is a symptom of the illness. The latter I think I have read somewhere, and if I remember correctly, oversleeping actually alters the amount of chemicals involved with mood, specifically depression.

These past three days I’ve noticed an erratic pattern in my sleep and yes as I mentioned above, I oversleep. I can sleep a non-stop 16 hours. Whether it’s depression or I’m being a lazy fuck, I’m not really sure why. I’ve lost weight (and because I’m also an ectomorph) since I stopped eating regularly and discontinued lifting weights. But still I never stopped taking pictures of myself (not a selfie addict, I just want to monitor if I’m gaining fat or whatever) and I did see that I thinned out a little.

Going back to sleep and going back to bed and definitely going back to my dreams, I’m enjoying their company. I woke up one night realizing that I may be having too much of everything, not really sure if it’s too much of the reality of life, of where I am right now. But one thing is for sure, I wanted to stay in my alternate reality which is my dreams. It struck me that maybe I’m not prepared for this kind of life – of being in the real world, far from the corners of my “childhood” mind. Which eventually made me think that for me to stop suffering the reality, I had to end my life. And being aware of that, I had to stop these kind of thoughts. Suicide isn’t bad after all.

….

If I just had a dream recorder then how awesome it would be to see those scenes again in my mind. The epic-ness of seeing worlds, civilizations beyond what you know. Architectural feats worth laying out in blueprint. Stories of love, hate, war, destruction, greatness. Oh how beautiful would that be if I could just experience them over and over again.

….

During the times that I overslept and woke up, flashbacks of my dreams from my childhood came to mind. Do you still remember dreams you had from your childhood? The ones that just occur once but you never expect to remember? And I thought those dreams just repeat themselves if they were long forgotten? How is it even possible for me to remember my dreams from long ago? Is there something wrong with my mind?

Am I real? (Holy sh*t what’s going on with me)

Awww depression what did you do again?

It always gets back to you.

Destination: Zero

I just wanted to get this out of my head. It has been a while since I wrote.

When I get bored my mind works more than my body so I came up with this little mind exercise. Not really an exercise but let’s just call it that for now.

So yeah for the second time I’ll be mentioning that I thought this up when I was washing the dishes.

Do you even wonder why you’re washing the dishes?

Because man has to toil for his pleasures?

And work is the only way to achieve things we want.

And this want is something we made for ourselves. 

I watched mean celebrity tweets on Jimmy Kimmel’s show on Youtube.

These artists are just doing their job. 

And their job is to entertain the people.

But people is not equal to entertainment.

Entertainment is a concept. People are real.

So the artists are addressing a concept.

Isn’t that absurd?

Do humans exist because we address something close to “non-existent”?

Why do we even exist?

Existence is a question and an answer to itself.

The mere fact that infinity exists mean existence is infinite.

From that point I stopped thinking. Oh sh*t, this is depression stuff happening right here. Existential philosophy and all that stuff. So I’m going to the gym. 🙂

Attitude, Planes, Natural Order and Schizophrenia

For the longest time in 3 days I have not reported to work. I don’t want to make my depression a reason, but, in most cases it’s the only reason why, so I’m stuck in my room trying to think of ways to earn money without actually listening to people’s stupid questions (well not all the time and customer service is supposed to be like that), browsing the web for other ways I could strike opportunities. But that was only for a short amount of time, due to needs that aren’t really real but rather imagined. I opened my Facebook account for updates, looked if ever somebody has something good to say. And in this case actually I went to a page I subscribed. It’s the page of the university I previously attended and it contained all the rants and BS every student, faculty and other persons (mostly bitter people concerned about love) had to say about. There was this particular area of the school that was a classic topic for a rant – the medical clinic was the center of criticism for the page. Mostly what I’ve read is about student’s claims on the incompetence that medical professionals had. I read all of the comments, most of them are rage statements. I don’t know why the students are still in that phase ( I call it phase because I believe when you grow older and you learn things, letting emotions tinge every action or statements is definitely among the list of what not to do). For you readers to have a better idea why the medical clinic was given generous criticisms: Whenever you’re feeling sick and you cannot come to school, you have to go to the university’s clinic so you can get checked up and be issued a medical certificate. Easy right? But the students are actually pointing out “How can I go out if I’m sick?” Alright we get their point but the thing is, for every negative comment you read, there’s actually a good one that comes up. As a “pacifist” I am neutral in my arguments, never siding with a right side or a wrong side, because it actually makes me feel that I’m just a person who has only the ability to choose sides and not considering my ability to be more than that. There’s this one comment though, detailing his experience in the clinic, that almost made me comment on that post. He said that the staff are making talk about everything, from other departments to patients and even their own colleagues! Shame on them that has to come up. It makes me think that the criticism they get are just right, karma wise, leading to another thought, that society’s problems are actually the result of individuals. I was washing the dishes when I was thinking about that. Remembering yesterday, I was watching cut scenes from Injustice: Gods Among Us. It made me have a little mental exercise though. Basically, what happened is that on an alternate universe Superman became evil because Joker killed Lois Lane and his unborn son. He made a dictatorial government together with some superheroes who either followed him out of fear or their concept of morality warped. Batman on the other hand is the leader of the Insurgency and they want Superman’s reign to end. On the original universe this never happened so the original set find themselves teleported to that universe and they try to fix it. Come to think of it, if that single event alone happened in the original universe, it’s always a choice for the individual what to do. There’s a big chance that would have happened too if ever Joker succeeded. The original universe had an advantage of delay on the supposed successful plot of the Joker. This little mental exercise again brings another everyday “philosophy”. Whether imagined or not, in any situation, all related concepts on individuality applies. In any situation, the truth and the lies lie on the same plane of existence, and hence both significant to reality. The perception of the two concepts, truth and lies, are real. I can relate this back to depression. I remember that TED video wherein the most powerful description of the most significant point of the state of being depressed is that “when the veil is lifted…the truth lies.” If ever a “normal” person would read this would they even think of these stuff? I mean this is all philosophy related shit. Who would bother sitting in front of the computer to compose a lengthy amount of nonsense? I don’t know. Sometimes even thinking of how the world should be is even crazier. In the early stages of humans, we only strive to survive, find food and just live. Now, information is everywhere. I sometimes wonder who designed us to reach a stage where we have so much to think about. Why not just follow the natural order, be perfect beings who don’t cause imbalance to the world? This really is going crazy. I still have one though. From a Facebook post to world balance, I sometimes wonder if the things I just wrote are considered flights of ideas? A characteristic of schizophrenics. You decide. (Image is not mine, copyrights belong to their respective owners)

TPOJ:300

The night was chilly and I decided to go out and enjoy the fresh air. It has been awhile since I visited the park. I know I should be staying at home or actually going to work, but I was too drowned in my loneliness and being consumed by my invisible acquaintance who loved me more than I could love myself that the only thing I have is my camaraderie we have. Yes, depression.

There are times that when you feel all happy and dandy there is still the feeling of being alone and it really is overwhelming. The way I think amplifies it even more. The philosophical musings of life. All the unnecessary “shitty” thoughts. Is it my fault for being a thinker?

Sometimes I wonder if depression is a sickness solely for people who think outside their own confines. They’re concerned about the world. They’re concerned about the future. They’re concerned about what they know, about what other people know, and about the knowledge they have, is it good use? Does knowing imply action? Is this too much? To think about everything?

Oh, depression. You’re the bookworm inside an old encyclopedia of everything.

So yeah for the last three paragraphs depression managed to voice out what he wants me to. I would like to refer to him as a “he.” Because he possesses a male characteristic everybody with depression would agree: dominance.

While I was walking and exercising both my feet and my mind, I lost myself to the addictive rhythm my feet did. A constant “one-two-one-two” drumming with my breathing. At last it stopped and I found myself again in the Rainforest. This was a place in the park secluded by darkness and towering pines. Benches dotting along cobble walkways filled the interior of the small secluded part of the park. But in that darkness I used to find comfort. 

I found men sitting, waiting along the edges of the Rainforest. At first thought you might think these men are just the occasional drunks, just waiting to get sober. True oftentimes but there’s more drunkenness that happens here instead of the pubs and clubs.

These men are looking for a variety of things to do. And since all people here are men, you already have an idea. If you’re confused, listen to Macklemore ft. Ryan Lewis’ song Same Love. Got it?

I used to go there because I had friends who just went there so we could talk about things like how depression did, if ever he starts a conversation in my head. We talked just about anything. Politics, religion, life – stuff men talk about when they’re drunk. But in this scenario when I used to be with them (my Rainforest friends), I didn’t need to be drunk so I could speak stuff like that.

So for now my RF friends are not here and I found myself just staring outside the area, like a bird caged waiting for the owner to give food. But when I do want to interact with somebody it always starts with a good long look to their eyes. Sometimes, people’s eyes say many things. Not in words. Something like “soul conversations.”

So I did make that look when a guy my height, wearing shorts and a cap and a hoodie , just looked at me. I thought I was being rude for looking too deep in his eyes (in this case I’m not really sure because it was dark and all) and I just smiled and looked down at my shoes. I’m not really the “dare -look-at-me-longer-and-let’s-see-what-you’ve-got-right-there” type.

He brushed the front of my jeans and to tell you honestly I wasn’t near aroused. I lost that feeling of excitement long ago. Maybe I did things a little bit too early that’s why.

I was trying to strike a conversation after the touch but then another guy was watching so I got uncomfortable. Maybe he felt that too so he spoke up and said we should find another place to talk. I didn’t remember a lot about our conversations but I knew it was about booze, Rainforest people and all things about that place. We did get bored so we went to another place and speaking of getting to another place there’s this one annoying guy I always saw that wanted to get it on as soon as he sees you. Good thing I have a knack for tough guys, the guy with me was saying “He’s with me.” and was also getting me behind his back, trying to ward off the creepy dude. I honestly love men doing that, protecting me. Even though I knew it was just a little act of friendship, or anywhere near that, I feel my knees go weak at the sight of such act. It actually is a major turn on. (Eww stop mentioning stuff like that on you’re blog!)

So yeah, we found another place to go. He was actually suggesting the borders of the soccer field, behind the wall-plants.

(Insert paragraph containing censored gay stuff right here, exclude penetration XD)

So the police came up. I don’t know how they found out but fuck! this is serious shit!

Good thing we were done tucking things where they should be. So they went through a dent in the wall in which we came in. I hated the flashlights and for this scenario I don’t want to give a detailed story. The most important part is just that we were actually trying to talk our way out. My friend did a good job on that, while I on the other hand was the type who wouldn’t speak up before authority figures. Once my good friend did find a way out (a bill and good promises…), I promised I’ll say everything. They asked if I was the one who led him to that place but of course out of kindness I would never do that, because they have him ID’d and I lied about not bringing one. Good thing I didn’t. I don’t want a record.

So right now, I was in the middle of a gang of cops, their senior actually suggesting that they take me to the station. The  senior did go away, and I was left to face two of them. They were forcing me to pay so they don’t have to bring me to their office and pay a hefty sum (ten grand). I kept thinking “don’t bite the offer.” Now that they couldn’t force me to give money they were threatening to bring me to the police station. What other option do I have? So I made a bargain, at first they were actually making me leave my phone to them (which was a big no-no since my mother’s name is labeled “Mama”), like a collateral but I managed to swap phones so I could secure my belonging. I told them I would withdraw an amount and give it to them but hell yeah, I managed to get money even if there was a power outage in the whole city. Which just made things a bit scarier.

So when I went back to that place I gave them the money, and they asked if I could give more and I didn’t talk. We were actually opposite the station and the officer was hiding my phone inside his jacket before he handed it to me so they wouldn’t see the transaction. After that they told me off and they said “Go home.”

I couldn’t believe that justice worked like that. Once again depression spoke. He told me many things. He said, “maybe the government ain’t paying them enough; do you want to get back at them? I have a solution: actually sign up as a night watch for Rainforest (which I wanted to do); bomb the police station; freak them out by just standing in front of the station every night for a year.” Crazy shit, I know. But it wasn’t enough.

That taught me a lesson. Good and bad.

First one is that I haven’t been to the RF for a month and I came back, so I’m never going back again. And if in case, IF, ever I go back, no more fooling around.

Second one? The bad thing is that it would remind me that the police force is corrupt, and to think about it, they’re actually juniors in the force. Fuck this shit.

And actually the third one. Would they ever believe me if I said I did those things because I was depressed? I mean it’s not the first time I did that.

Never going back again. Never listening to depression’s urges. Stay down there you piece of shit.

TPOJ:300. Free tattoo design to whomever guesses the meaning. I make tattoo designs.

(Images belong to their rightful owners)

Back Track

I had too much sleep last night. I woke up around 4 am aaaaaand speaking of 4 AM, do you guys know Kaskade’s 4 AM? If ever you’ve heard that, oh, eargasms.

Two years ago I was into electronic music… name it dubstep, chillstep, progressive house, liquid DnB, trance and all of that stuff. I liked it very much, especially when you just have to listen and don’t even have to sing because most of these tracks don’t have lyrics. Letting your thoughts swirl and dance, almost lulling you to sleep. Which literally what happens when I’m listening to chillstep.

Those two years were full of confusion, like how the synth hummed in all of the music tracks. I don’t know why I liked it but it definitely was beer – addictive and intoxicating.

Like beer in a bottle. Coursing down my throat.

Just to drown the sadness that lived within.

Letting that emotion sleep.

To let me have sleep.

Good Morning

They say whenever you wake up you should at least mention how wonderful the day is. It helps you have a positive start on your daily routine of going through life which is already too serious, and mentioned by a somebody – you’ll never get out of it alive.

So I’m writing this because the past days I have been dealing with a relapse of depression. I did my anti-depression routine: took a shower, got a haircut, ate everything that I had a craving for, walked around the park, or in my case, the city, went to the mall and observed people going about their businesses (the room was too static and the cockroaches didn’t come out to play hide and seek).

It did work, in someway doing this stuff makes me feel healthy and in feeling healthy I thought to myself, “Well, at least I’m still alive.” And the thought of being alive for the next N years of my life is quite fearsome and also in fear comes depression, but with fear comes the vitality of life. We never know when a car would hit us when we’re crossing the street, or if an impoverished individual comes out of the alley and stabs you so they can continue to acquire their financial needs (OMG, this last sentence is disturbing as f*ck).

I hope I can continue on with life, even if the relapses take most of my time to live a meaningful one.

And if ever you’re reading this because you’re depressed too I can share you something. Not really sure if you’ve already watched it or not but this is a gem worth a thousand others.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVCo

TED also has their own website.

www.ted.com

If you have anti-depression routines, you can share them on the comment box below. I’d love to know what other people do when they have their episodes.

And yes, ZEN.

The photo featured in this post is an abstract drawing I made myself. If you want to check out more of my art please visit g2a732648.deviantart.com. I also do commissions for as cheap as a buck (or even less). Just drop me a message. Thank you very much.